Martha’s Way

If you have to grow old, try it Martha's way.

Who's Martha?

Martha's a family friend. I always called her” Aunt” even though she really isn't. I've known her from when I was a gleam in my Dad's eye. She's ninety-three now. Oh she has aches and pains and complications but she also has a darn good time.

I've just visited her for a couple of days. She's in the assisted living section of the Aspen Ridge Retirement Center in Bend Oregon . She's handling growing old with finesse. Martha has made aging an art form.

I can see her now, holding onto the bedpost while Dale is pulling up her trousers. Much like Scarlet O'Hara holding on, while her corset is being tightened. Scarlet only had a servant helping her; Martha has Dale.

Dale is about forty-five years younger than Martha. He's known her for over twenty years. He was working in the drive-in restaurant next to where Martha and Phil lived. Phil was Martha's husband. I used to call him Uncle Phil but he really wasn't. Phil would go over to the drive-in and shoot the breeze over a cup of coffee in the morning. Dale would be mopping the floor, getting set up for the day, while his boss read the paper.

When Phil was on his deathbed, he asked Dale to take care of Martha. Dale said he would and he's kept his promise. Joyfully.

Martha was never what you would call pretty. She had flaming red hair and a wonderful sense of humor, all which seems to have inspired adoration in the men in her life.

In the years past when Martha wasn't in a wheelchair Dale and Martha would travel. They would visit relatives and stay at their home. The relatives always liked Dale because of the nice way he treated Martha. On other trips, Martha and Dale would go to hotels and have fun raising eyebrows. People would gawk at them because of their age difference.

Martha would say in a loud voice, as she and Dale were going through the lobby, “ So tell me Senator, have you written your speech yet?” Eyebrows would raise a little higher.

At dinner in a fine restaurant, Dale would say in a very loud voice, “Now Martha, don't eat so much cholesterol or I'll have to take you back to the Home.” Heads would turn.

Martha and Dale are like a married couple - except they truly enjoy one another. Dale doesn't notice Martha's age. He puts on Martha's elastic stockings to prevent the swelling in her ankles as if he were the Prince trying on the glass slipper. He is patient and loving while Martha takes forever getting in and out of the car. He buys bags of chocolate for the help that attends Martha. He wants coming to Martha's room to be a sweet experience. He oversees all her medical treatment and checks her medications. He takes her to the doctors and to her hair appointment and out for dinner every week. And then there are the outings in the car. Martha notices all the flowers that are in bloom. Dale ooh's and ah's. If neither of them can remember the name of the flower they have their own made-up word:” it's a “Sachamachee”.

They have their special sayings between them. Every morning Dale says, “You know what Martha?”

“What?”

“I'm gonna love you all day today.” And he does.

After every first course of the meal at Aspen Ridge, Dale asks Martha how was the soup?” She always answers, “I've had better. Give it to the Chef to eat.” Or, “How did you like your dessert Martha? ‘ Was it more gooder'?”

People think he's crazy says Dale. He isn't a stunner, but he is better than average. He's very intelligent and quick witted. He'd have to be to keep up with Martha. He should have been a doctor Martha said but he got in with wrong crowd. He's had girlfriends but Martha's always won out.

He gave me a tour through his home, while Martha waited in the car. He has one room with Martha's furniture and belongings. It's jammed full but in case Martha wants anything, he knows exactly where to find it. He has a workbench that he made himself out in the garage. There's not one nail in it. It curves real lyrical like in a corner and can hold a piece of machinery up to five hundred pounds. There's a room off the garage. It's filled with tools that customers at the hardware store wanted to get rid of. He was manager of a hardware store in town after he worked at the drive-in. Dale took those throwaways and made them shine.

He took me to his rope room. It was filled with bolts of rope. Dale's second love in life is sailing. He has tied the knot so-to-speak. Knots of every size and dimension lay waiting to be used. He can spend hours tying a knot in a rope. His old girlfriend asks him to come each year to her second grade class and give the students a demonstration on what can be done with rope. He gave me a little knot that I could keep for good luck in my purse.

He showed me a picture of himself about twelve years ago that was hanging on the wall next to the front door. Dale had a beard and sideburns and looked like your regular skipper captain. Martha likes a man clean-shaven. So Dale isn't hairy anymore. He's even cut the hair on his head so it's as if he has no hair at all.

We went on that day to visit Martha's friends Sharon and Rich. They have a llama farm. Martha sat in the car, while Dale and I walked through a pack of about twenty-five llamas. One llama, Poppy, was very friendly. She put her head on Dale's shoulder and wanted to be petted.

We had a lot to talk about at the dinner table when we went back for dinner. Everyone always looks at Martha being wheeled into the dining room by Dale. Everyone secretly wishes that they had a Dale in their life.

I know I do.

I asked Martha if she had any words of wisdom for me after having lived so long. “Enjoy life honey - enjoy!”

I hear they are planting Trees of Devotion in front of retirement homes now because of Martha and Dale. These are special trees that grow Dales. I hope by the time I'm ninety-three there will be a Dale ripe enough for the picking.